in 2002 after going through

As for Bob Murphy, he had seen all five of his brothers go through ugly divorces, and he wanted none of it.

So when Murphy and his wife decided to split up earlier this year, one of his brothers, hoping to save his little brother from the same bad experience, suggested Murphy call Zarzynski.

"Instead of both of us going out to find the most expensive, meanest lawyer we each could find, we sat down together — on the same side of the table — and figured out what would be best for our kids," Murphy says.

It took four hours.

Together, Murphy and his now ex-wife decided he would keep the house when they divorced and stay there with their four kids, ages 21, 18, 12 and 10.

"After it was all said and done, we agreed that this is a good deal for both of us," he says.

By their agreement, his ex-wife gets the kids three days a week. But he wants her to see them as much as she likes, so they often talk daily to arrange visits. He even made a key to his house available, to make it easier for her to pick up forgotten homework or sports gear while he was at work.

Setting the tone

How parents interact and handle the kids during the initial separation and early in the divorce sets the tone for the years ahead, says Barbara Schaffer, a clinical social worker in Tucson, who is part of the Collaborative Law Group of Southern Arizona. She got involved in the friendly divorce movement in 2002 after going through her own divorce and thinking there had to be a better way.

Research shows that kidsbuy ugg boots Classic Argyle Knit UGG Boots Ugg Stripe Cable Knit Boots who remain close to both parents are less stressed by divorce, and dads who are connected to their kids are more likely to keep up with their obligations, financial and otherwise.